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Happy Birthday to My Blog and to Me!

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Today is my birthday and also the 3rd anniversary of my blog.  I have never celebrated my blog anniversary so “here’s to my first blogiversary” celebration.  You’ve been so good to me dear blog!  You have introduced me to amazing people who have become great friends, taken me on fabulous trips and generally bought me much happiness each day since I began writing you.   Even though your birth was born out of tragedy, it is proof that good things can come from bad things.  

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I really didn’t know what I was doing when I started blogging. It was truly a “fly the plane while building it” moment in time.  I never dreamed anyone would actually read my blog.  My blog was borne to keep me in touch with my creative side, when I wasn’t able to communicate with people during a tough time in my life after losing my son.  

My freshman English teacher, Dr Rose at Meredith College would be shocked to discover that I am writing daily!  God Bless her soul and the kleenex box she kept on the corner of her desk just for poor students like moi!    The good news about blogging is you don’t have to be Charles Dickens to write a blog or I wouldn’t be writing one.

I have told people that I started the blog in 2009, and I truly believed that, until I went back to my first post and realized it was started on my birthday in 2011.  It’s shocking to me, that it has only been three years, it seems so much longer.  I can’t imagine LBB( Life before blogging).  It’s also proof that I lost several years from my life while grieving. The good news is I have made up for lost time.

When people would say ‘time heals everything” I wanted to smack them, but in many ways it is true.  You never get over your loss, but you do learn to live with your “new normal”. I do believe it’s true, that you grieve as great as you loved. I also believe that a parent never stops parenting a child.  We go from parenting the child to parenting the memory of the child. 
Their is a certain beauty in that duty.

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When you reach rock bottom, there isn’t anywhere to go, but up, which is exactly what I have fought to go.  

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Through my loss, I have learned what is really important in life.  I know the value of family, friends and what is real.

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I have been lucky to have great people in my path who have lifted me up. I know God had a grand plan in making each and every one of you part of my journey.  He knows what I need before I even ask. 

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I can’t believe that I’m doing what I’m doing today.  I honestly didn’t think I would ever work again, much less have the opportunities that I have been given.  When Walker died, all of my passions  died along with him. I lost my desire to do anything I had previously enjoyed.  I felt guilty for living and didn’t feel I deserved anything.   I quit exercising which I had always loved and sat day after day just existing.  I didn’t want to see people, much less work with clients. I became a recluse who stayed up all hours of the night and slept most of the day.  It was the only way I could sleep, without having nightmares.  I had to be totally exhausted and then the sleep was so needed I didn’t have bad dreams or nightmares.  My husband took over the children and household duties.  I really wasn’t able to do anything.  It was a really hard time, but we made it and we survived.  Amen!

I typically don’t talk a lot on the blog about personal issues, but I truly owe Bryant a debt of gratitude.  He was there when I needed him most.  He was my rock then and still is now. He is pretty incredible and did I say handsome? Yes, he is that too!  I’m glad he’s my partner in life.
The older I get the more I appreciate those who chose to be part of my life, not because it is expected, but because they choose to be.   I’ve had some really special moments over the last year and people I didn’t expect to show up for those times made the effort to come. I was so touched by their presence and will never forget it.  I have a great family and a great chosen family.
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As I get older, I realize how important it is for me to be there for my children.  I always thought that children need the most when they are young but I now realize they always need their parents.  I pray that my children always know how important they are to me.  I’ve been blessed beyond belief by great parents and hope that I am able to pass those blessings on to my children.  Children are a gift from God.  I now know that gift can be taken as quickly as it was given.

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  It is our duty to love our children unconditionally as God does us. To be loved without condition is such a gift.  It is important to teach them that things really don’t make you happy.  If we teach our children the true meaning of happiness they will always be rich. I hope I can allow my children their own point of view and appreciate things from their viewpoint.  I’m lucky that I have parents have been able to do that. They have allowed me to be an independent and learn from my own mistakes.  I hope I can do the same for my children. 

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No matter what happens in this world, I have been given the gift from God of knowing that I am his child first and he loves me no matter what.  That alone is enough.   My life is rich.  Yes, I have had tragedy, but my tragedy has revealed many blessings.  It’s made me thankful, for so many things, I took for granted before.  
Thank you for indulging me, by reading my thoughts today and everyday for the past three years!  I feel very blessed to have such a high readership.  You have become my friends!
 I smile with each comment you leave for me.   Thank you so much!  You will never know how much your comments mean!
As I impart on another year, I hope you will continue to join me for another trip around the sun.  The best is yet to come!
It is a happy birthday! 
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